3/12/2014
I write this to memorialize the lesson.
Dwade, as I call him, or Duffy or Dane or Roz spoke with me a few weeks ago. We connected as only the broken can. Each seeing the other's pile of pieces for the complex thing that it was. He is broken, his mind slips through the 'when' of a moment in a manner in which I have only heard of in the great oracles of old.
He has knowledge of Ordo secrets I seek,and he agreed to teach me the path. His first task was that I should meet and pick up or go on a date with a mortal and not feed on them. I was to return them to their life after encountering me unmolested. It seemed simple enough.
I set out upon this task early one evening. After the sun had set, I decided to venture to my newer territory and begin there. Uptown had been Her's and it seemed fitting that I use it this way and defy Her in yet another way. Just the thought made me smile as I drove there.
I began my hunt in a "historic" Chicago bar, The Green Mill. As soon as I walked in I remembered coming here before. I had been in here a few years after coming to the city. Back then, it had been a shit hole bar with attached history next to a drug clinic of some kind. Tonight, it was effectively the same shell, just a polished interior covered in that new history lacquer. And the surrounding city was cleaner, richer, and in general pretending to be nicer. It was also my hunting grounds.
I met her at the bar, I didn't even order a drink. He name was something like Hailey or some derivative. I called her Samantha. After a couple seconds of communication she was in love like they all are. Minutes more, we were walking back to her apartment under the pretense of me making sure that she got home safe. Usually as soon as there was a convenient alleyway, or if I am feeling especially patient, as soon as their door closes, I am on them like a fat kid on candy. There's that happy little squeal of resistance as the fangs pierce them and then the Kiss has them and they begin cooing as I feed. That night, that was all I could think about. That little squeal and the warm gushing. I maintained my composure, I had planned for this. I had planned to not feast. I did notice every alleyway along the few blocks back to Samantha's.
As we got to her door, she invited me upstairs for "some fun." I told her I didn't know about that, but that I would love some coffee. After we were secluded from the world behind her locked apartment door, I thought she was going to try to drag me into her bedroom. I distracted her by asking for that coffee. She looked dismayed but went to her kitchen and I took a reserved pose on the couch as I sat. She came back and we talked. Well, she talked. She talked forever about her hopes and dreams and how she was so lucky to meet a cute great guy like me. I was bored in seconds. It didn't take much longer than that to make me just want to drink from her just to shut her up. I decided to take a different approach. I began asking her about her secrets and about things that she was ashamed of. My blood did the rest.
It is amazing how much guilt women have in this day an age. They do petty things to sabotage their friends like buying doughnuts for the office because the secretary makes you feel self conscious about your body and if she eats them and you don't then you have won some small victory. Then they carry around those things with them. When made to admit them, they get all cute and sad and cry. I was more comfortable being there and holding her in her misery than being talked at about her pointless life. It was a moment of realization that I have had time and time again. The one emotion that I can still connect with mortals about is misery or sadness.
Anyway, that night I held her. It reminded me of many previous times I pretended to be kind. After she fell asleep, I took a number of heavy blankets and covered her windows. I figured that I would prolong the experiment. The following morning as the sun rose, I chose to remain awake. The fog was there as always weighing down upon my shoulders. We talked in the morning. I wasn't my eloquent self, but she didn't notice, such is the infectious love that my kind instill in mortals. I told to go to the story and gave her a list of things which to get. I also informed her that we were going to host company that evening. She was excited to meet people I knew. I called Alec and let him know I wouldn't be in today and that he and Tannit were invited to a dinner at "my girlfriend's" house that evening. When she overheard that, she practically swooned. This was getting exhausting.
During the day while Samantha was out, I arranged her apartment in a way I thought was more fitting. I threw all of her photos of family and loved ones into a drawer, I re-arranged her kitchen so that the four of us would fit better and my seat at the table would give a slightly more imposing image. Her book shelves were in terrible locations and so they got moved. Along with her TV and couch. That work took a long time in my state, and by the time I was finishing, Samantha was home. I explained to her what she was going to be cooking and how to begin. She was upset about her things, but I explained that it was for the best. She forgave me and asked that next time, I ask first. I lied and said I would. She smiled and kissed my cheek. Her warmth made me hungry. I figured a healthy pot roast would be a fair meal for my employees. The sound of her thumping heart made me hungrier.
I did my best to ignore it. I told her that while she was working that I would be taking a nap on the couch. I laid down and let my senses expand to the area around me. I listened to the tenants living on either side of her. I listened tot hem go about their lives. I thought about turning them into a feast of blood and gore. How does that old song go? Sweet dreams are made of these? In the next few hours the apartment filled with smells that distracted me from the smell of skin and blood beneath its surface. I felt the sun set with my eyes closed and felt the fog lift and my body wake fully. I "awoke" and went to the bathroom to make myself presentable for the evening. I took a boiling shower and got dressed again. Spending onyl a few minutes primping in front of the mirror. I looked tired.
A few minutes after 7pm, there was a knock at the door. Alec arrived with Tannit in tow. He apologized for being late. I know it was because he likely had to pull Tannit away from whatever it was that she was doing; Perhaps even splash some water on her to pull her out of one of her drug hazes. Alec is a good man. He cares too much. He had brought a bottle of wine and in addition to the 4 I had Samantha pick up, we were well stocked.
I invited them in and cracked a bottle. There was some jovial conversation where Alec commented that he hadn't heard about me dating anyone. I turned on the charm and they were drawn to me as usual as I told some bullshit story about how me and Samantha met. Samantha corrected me at the end by mentioning that her name was in fact Hailey. I laughed and thanked Samantha and mentioned that maybe we should move to the kitchen to have some of Samantha's lovely cooking. She seemed a bit dismayed that she had been re-named and didn't have much say in it. I smiled and complimented her on her cute dress for the evening, and she cooed a coo that was almost as good as the Kiss. She loved me and was mine. I took my seat at the head of the table I had arranged with a spot for Tannit and Samantha on either side and Alec's spot at the foot. Seeing Alec, he obviously knew what I was up to, having seem me pick up a number of women over the years, but Tannit just looked slightly hurt to see how much attention I was paying to another woman. I decided I would watch her wine consumption for her. It wouldn't do for her to drink too much and then mix it with the pills that she was no doubt on. Her pupils were normal tonight for once, thank god. The meal would do her good. We talked a bit about the day's work as Samantha readied and served the roast.
When the table was served, there was an edible looking pot roast, green beans cooked with bacon, and mashed potatoes. It was a hearty mortal meal. Alec insisted on saying grace for us all, and afterwards, I served everyone, myself excluded. When asked about it by Samantha, I told he that I appreciated her efforts but that I was dieting tonight. The funny part is that she didn't get the joke. She did a good job of keeping from crying at my remark and I leaned over and kissed her cheek. The rest of the dinner was relatively benign except for a few notable events. At one point, I slammed my fist on the table without realizing it because I was thinking about pouncing on and feeding on Samantha when she almost murdered me with her small talk. I missed Tannit practically guzzling a bottle of wine when she "went to the bathroom." The girl needs help and I should probably send her to Ollie in my place for my next appointment. it may do her some good and give Ollie a break from dealing with me. Alec, as usual, was the center of stability. He kept conversation going, managed my impatience as always, kept referring to Samantha as Hailey which she seemed to like, and he kept Tannit from drinking too much.
In the aftermath of the dinner, Alec asked if I would be wanting a ride back, I told him that I would. Samantha was heart broken and I explained that I would call her as soon as I got home so she would know that I made it safely. She again insisted that her name was Hailey and also something about me not having her number. I put my business card in her hand as I left with Alec and Tannit. Oddly enough, it took both of us to navigate her down the stairs. We paused for a quick vomit break before putting her into the car. Alec drove me to the hearse and dropped me off. I assured him that I would see him tomorrow.
I went home and did not feed that evening. I figured carrying out the experiment over two days would be better than one. It helped me realize how hard something so easy would be to me. It has been some time since I have gone without gorging myself on blood. Part of me felt empty. Maybe it is because I was carrying out experiments like this instead of working towards my goals. I will find her.
I will soon be sharing this report with Dwade. I'll have to copy it, but it will suffice. It feels odd copying part of my random notes and scrawlings and giving them to another.
Till the next time,
-L
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