Hasty decisions and implicit trust is foolish. I found myself making the mistakes of a neonate once again tonight. Every time I do something this foolish, I remember the same lessons in my history.
Tonight, mere minutes before a gathering of the Ordo Dracul, Joe Czalk pulled me aside. We had a brief conversation about Leaders with divided loyalties. Who wouldn't agree that it was a bad thing. The snake twisted my words and agreement into action without a chance to explain or describe my position. I was played clear and plain.
However, that isn't what bothers me. What bothers me is that because of Czalk's play, Clay views me as an enemy. My acquaintance of many years who feeds within my domain hates me. I just want to talk with him about the perceived slight. But all of my attempts are warded off by Fischer and Czalk and others who tell me that Clay is out for blood tonight.
I put down roots and try to establish myself somewhat. I know how foolish this can be at times. I know the warnings of the Dolorae. I know proverbs of my people. I have the knowledge that one accumulates over multiple lifetimes and still I make foolish mistakes. Why do I strive to belong when all my efforts are made futile by allies.
A saying that holds true with my compatriots. Jekh dilo kerel but dile hai but dile keren dilimata.
I will dwell on this. This requires contemplation.
-L
